You'll likely notice a theme of hope within this place of mine. It's the one thing I was always teased about from previous partners and the one thing I've been scolded for countless times. It was always told to me that having hope meant that I wasn't really looking at the reality around me. I was often made to feel like my view never mattered because having hope meant I was too optimistic or unreliable, or unrealistic. What I've learned in my short years on this planet is that hope is the one thing we can't have taken away form us and so, my journey into exploring hope began.
I started this painting titled Hope in Chaos as an ode to my life. Constant turmoil inside was the norm and a mind racing. I always struggled with speaking about my feelings, in fact, I was told once that I am like a robot. The statement is rather offensive to me because I feel just as deeply as everyone else, I just don't have the means to show it like many do. I also don't express emotion in the same way, raised as an eastern European, emotions were secondary to common sense. Highly emotional people to me were viewed as unreliable and not strong thinkers. What good would strong reactions be when you need to think and solve a problem? This is a taste of the European way I grew up in which I am ever so grateful for, despite the repercussions it took. I learned to navigate difficult situations with calm clarity, very early on in life which had its own set of consequences.
Painting has become my way of expressing emotions. Subtle chaos, deep colours and texture is a way to my heart and mind. The theme in this painting was the hope I find, even in the harshest of conditions. The light seen in the distance, the light intertwined throughout the waves and the reflections of light cast above the shadows. Hope for me is like God, always present, unwavering. Hope for me is a relationship with the Father in Heaven who loves me, even when I am failing. It's knowing that no matter what, this will pass.
To this very day, I start my morning when I first open my eyes and say "I get another day". Each day is not guaranteed and I hang on to this knowledge as sacred truth, I hope each day that I get another one but I never expect it, nor do I take days for granted. Some days I am overwhelmed with grief and anger, other days, I am filled with such joy but there are no days that I have now where I am not aiming upwards. I start my day with gratitude, and thank God I get another day.
I would love to hear from you about what this painting sparks in you. Share your comments or e-mail me!
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